U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
