Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
