He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
