Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
