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So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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