I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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