he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
