Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
