Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
