end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
