so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
