Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
should my penis look like a turkey
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
