I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
