It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
