The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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