I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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