we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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