I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
