Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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