Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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