hotel room ftw
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
