he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
