Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
