i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
