I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
All I want is dick and wine.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
