Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
