There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
