Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
