"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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