i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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