I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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