Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
