Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
