My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
