Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
