conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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