I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
