there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
