oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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