he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
