well I can't set my house on fire every night
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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