Cold hands, warm shart.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
