And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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