She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
