i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
