Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
