at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
