Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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