he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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