CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
